"Snap, Crackle, _____"

“I had an interesting morning; I got into an argument with my Rice Krispies. I distinctly heard “Snap, crackle, fuck you!” I’m not sure which one of them said it; I was reaching for the artificial sweetener at the time and not looking directly into the bowl. But I heard it and I said, “Well, you can all just sit there in the milk as far as I’m concerned until I find out which one of you said that.” Mass punishment. The idea is to turn them against one another.

Silly me. Big punishment. That’s what Rice Krispies do. Sit in the milk. That’s their job. You’ve seen them. Delicate, beige blisters of air, floating proudly in milk. And you can’t sink them. They refuse to sink. The navy ought to use Rice Krispies in life preservers. That’s where they’re really needed. And do you know how Rice Krispies manage to float for such a long time? By clinging to one another; they buddy up. They gather in little groups of 8, 10, or sometimes 12, but, if you notice, its always an even number. That’s because the electromagnetic polarity of the Krispies attracts them to one another. It binds them in pairs, like subatomic particles. They form little colonies, and you can’t sink them, not even with a spoon. They just come bobbing up over the sides of the spoon, laughing at you and reveling in their buoyancy. Hard to sink.

That’s what the fruit is for. Not for added taste; not for nutrition; it’s for sinking Rice Krispies. Believe me, a good-sized peach, hurled at full force at the bowl from a stepladder, can take out 80 or 90 of the little buggers in one glorious splash. And I have absolutely no mercy. If I’m really pissed, I’ll climb up to the upstairs balcony and drop a watermelon on them. That’ll teach them to sass me at breakfast.”


~ George Carlin

Beauty of a Heart of Gold

(Excerpt from a friend's blog)

well, i've been in austin for over a year now. and i would say i've changed more in the past year than i had in the previous 5 years, which is saying a lot. there have been some really high-highs and some really...really low-lows. but at least at this moment in time (even if not sometimes previously) i can look at it in a positive light and say that life is still beautiful in its own insane, elusive little way. if not miserable at times. (i'm not emo! damnit!)alas. i've come to some interesting conclusions (?) as of late that have given me a little fruit to the soul searching i've been doing for the past ten years. conclusions that, looking back, i probably should have come to a long time ago. but maybe it wasn't the right time then. conclusions that make me a bit more comfortable with who i am, as well as a little less confused. it makes me laugh a little now in retrospect. to put things into a little perspective...there's a man who lives outside my apartment...sometimes here, sometimes there. his refrigerators are the trash/dog shit cans along the sidewalk. he often sits on the bench out my window, i've heard him yelling incomprehensible exclamations to no one. or perhaps himself.

one time i walked past him and quietly said hi in passing, and he looked up, suprised, and mumbled something like a caveman who hasn't spoken to another soul in years. sometimes i want to go over and give him a hug. or a steak. when i walk around the corner of 5th and west, he's often sleeping on a staircase of the apartments across from mine. i feel like slipping him a twenty in his pocket, but i wonder how he'd react to a stranger up in his grill if he were to wake up. i used to be a little afraid of him. but now i feel like i'd kick some ass if anyone messed with him. i see other homeless people around downtown, but for some reason, i feel a strange affinity with this one. maybe it's his blue knee socks. or the way he plods along, his head and body bobbing side to side as he takes each step. maybe it's because he's so visibly alone in this world. something that tangibly expresses the feelings i've so often had even when surrounded by friends. i don't know...i wish i could give to him. but i feel as though whatever little i could give to him would be nearly meaningless, when what i really wish is to see him with abundant food, enough clothes to keep him warm, a home, a family, a smile.